I’ve already fallen too far. I’m in a pit and will never get up. Everyone sees me and thinks I’m fine. Maybe I just don’t know the right way to cry for help. Or maybe I’m just too far gone. They all tell me to accept. They tell me to let it out. But I cant let it out. Its trapped inside of me. Trapped like everything else. I don’t feel anything. They keep waiting for the right meds to work on me. Maybe none of them ever will work. Maybe I’m the problem. Not my depression. Its just me. I blame everything on my depression or side effects to ineffective drugs forced on me by mental health professionals. They try to fix depression. But they cant. Because to do that they would have to fix me. You cant save someone who doesn’t want to be saved.
As you can probably tell, I’m back from camp. It was totally awesome and I felt like real joy for the first time in a while. Now I’m back to reality and I guess ill see if anything will change.