Life With Depression

These lonely nights I lay here. Abandoned by my friends, or so it feels like. I cry myself to sleep. The pain has no end. I try to find joy, but its nowhere to be found. Its the same every day. I struggle to wake up, raise my self confidence. Rush to school just to be crushed by 1000 teens destroying the truth of me. They surround me- just stand alone and fake a smile. Hold it in but running only makes it worse. Go home, cry in the shower, barely eat, do a poor job on homework, cry more, cry out for help. Just try to get through the night. Cry. Use music to forget. Try to sleep. Just to wake up and do it all over again.

Everybody gets bored of the cycle of every day life. Its just normal right? Maybe it is all normal teenage behavior. That’s what everybody else says. But then I realize I cry too much. I cut myself. I stay up late in the night planning my own death. This is not normal. I am not normal. There is something wrong with me. I hide it at times, but other times I beg people to notice. I don’t know what I want anymore. I don’t know if I want to recover. Is recovery worth it? Is recovery even possible? Or does it jus get easier to hide it. I don’t want to be 30 years old and planning my own death while everyone thinks that I “recovered.” Depression will always be there in the background. No matter what i do it is always there. No matter what pills i take. There is no way to run from this.


 

I should have introduced myself earlier but here’s a few things to get to know me

Hi! I’m Anna. I’m 14 years old (I turn 15 in a week on July 10). I love music (mainly MCR, P!ATD, other emo bands, and TOP) I play guitar and I study music theory. I’m working on writing my first song. I write about whatever I feel like. My life is pretty bouring but music gives it color.

5 thoughts on “Life With Depression

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  1. There is a certain level of understanding I have after reading this. My husband was depressed throughout his teen years and early twenties (he’s 24 and I’m 21 now). He is also an addict who used to hurt himself. If you ever want to talk, let me know and I’ll give you my email address.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. (Please don’t think I’m trying to be preachy or anything like that. I’ve just watched my husband go through depression and I wished so badly that someone would be a friend for him. So I’m trying to pay it forward.)

    Liked by 1 person

      1. Anytime. There are a few mentions of my husband’s issues in a series (nine parts) I titled after a Shinedown song on my blog, if you ever want to read it. Like I said, he’s almost 25 and while he’s mostly okay now, he still struggles. It helps the more people he has to talk to about just daily pains and such. I’m here if you need that.

        Liked by 1 person

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